AHA MOMENTS

OUR TRUTH - Aha MOMENTS

 

I was in California last week.  I spent two days with SG Christina in San Francisco – eating and laughing and walking around town.  She then drove me across the Golden Gate Bridge into Marin County to a town called Fairfax.  I rented a little spot for my week in Fairfax where I was surrounded by tall trees and winding roads and hiking trails.  The cool sweater weather in the morning and night gave way to warm temperatures which were bearable under the luscious shady trees.

I spent a week there studying with a fascinating woman (who just hahahappens to be WSM’s Noah’s second cousin) about Energy Medicine and Emotions.  I met five OMazing SisterGoddesses and together we created safe sacred space to explore the feeling wisdom of our bodies and learn its language.  WSM Noah's cousin, Julie Motz, wrote a book called Hands of Life.   Julie pioneered the practice of doing energy healing in the operating room, working in heart transplant surgery with Dr. Mehmet Oz.  

When I read her book, I was totally spellbound.  My fingers could not turn the pages of her book fast enough.  I felt like she was giving words to concepts and principles that I had always felt and known.   By helping people get in touch with their feelings, she was freeing them to heal themselves and recapture a part that had been locked away – their inner child.  Her book gave me A-ha moments as I put together what I knew and what I read and had deeper understanding of my body and what I knew to be true.

When I first saw laughter yoga on TV (sitting on my aunt’s couch in Germany), I had this same understanding.   Something so simple and yet so profound – the practice of laughter in community – it blew me away.  I could feel the power of laughter and the healing awareness it caused within. Starting my own laughter circles, I loved how it brought out my little girl and how free she felt to play.

Taking on this practice of laughter and building a strong haha muscle gives me access to my inner child and to my A-ha zone.   It helps me be light hearted when the world around me can be so heavy.   It also provides me with a new perspective to life.  Over the years, laughing easy has helped me find Hahahappy – within.  I grew up thinking I would be happy if I had or if I did or if I was…..  Many books I read talked about this inner resource called Happy but I didn’t know how to access it.  Doing the practice – showing up to laugh (week after week and year after year) and finding a tribe of peeps just like me who love to laugh for no reason at all – gave me access to my joy.

Hearty laughter is a full body exercise.  It burns calories, increases heart rate, and works a variety of muscles, from our faces to our abs.   It also encourages release of feel-good brain chemicals, like dopamine.   Since motion creates emotion, shaking and dancing allows the laughter to flow.  Laughter is an emotional response.  It gives us access to the vast inner world within.  And it gets the endorphins flowing and the sweet rush of oxytocin release in our body.

Emotions are the energies that run both our lives and the Universe.  I remember growing up this song by Morris Albert called Feelings – nothing more than feelings….   


(Click here for video)


Our laughter circles helps us access the Little One within.   It helps us reactivate the feelings stored deep within our bodies and find ways to experience them, and eventually, release them (shakti shake and gibberish - woohoo).  Healing ourselves while being playful and having fun.  Yum!!!

FAITH

Our Truth -  FAITH

 

When I choose to focus on the good in my life my vibration chahahanges to attract only yummy delicious experiences.  They might not seem so juicy at first glance but with a little faith - faith of a mustard seed - and a grain of patience,the rewards are infinite.

Last week's planetary alignments and pulls brought a lot of grief into my life - friends' relatives and dogs dying dramatic deaths.  From this space of leaning in and accepting what is and breathing through it, my heart cracked open - again and again.  Crying (tears are liquid gratitude) and hugging and laughing have become the norm right now.  Being vulnerable and strong - finding the present in this MOMent.  And then shahahaking it all about so it settles into my bones.

Learning to listen and just be there.  Having someone's back and holding them when needed until they find their way.  Having an attitude of gratitude for these experiences and whatever they hold for us - you, me, we -  as spiritual lessons.  And praying for faith to keep on surrendering to the Universe.

For me, praying for faith has been an OMazing process these last few weeks.  The more I pray and listen, the more signs appear.  The path is revealed and always, with some delicious twists and turns that provide so much adventure and excitement.

Consequently, desiring something and then having no patience that it will appear lands me in some funny predicaments.    Making it hahahappen rather than allowing it to flow. Reminds me of a book I read, POWER vs. FORCE  (fabulous read by Dr. David R. Hawkins).  

Marriage requires many mustard seeds of faith.  As two people learn to love each other and stay together, the mustard seeds need patience and tolerance and sunshine and water to grow healthy and strong.  My marriage always surprises me as I remember that we are two different people who see things in many ways and yet, have come together to share this experience.   Loverboy reminds me often that my faith infused with patience allows him to do things in his own way and time - and what lovely results it produces.

Matthew 17:20  If you have faith of a mustard seed, you can move mountains.   It's true.  FAITH - the knowing that something will hahahappen.   It's a powerful force and we all have it.  It comes from within and is activated by feeling.   Leaning into the Unknown, Surrendering to the Moment, Enjoying the AbunDANCE.

 

LOVE SWEET LOVE

Our Truth - LOVE SWEET LOVE

This week has been OMazing again.  So many blessings hahahappen in my life when I love myself, do the practice and put my whole self in. I attribute these 3 Ingredients to the peace and happiness I hahahave in my life.

Loving myself means that I take care of my ANIMUS first.  What I mean by animUS - the animal within this body that houses my soul.

According to Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer, dogs are first animal, then species then breed.  We humans are too - we are our animal first, then our sex, then our culture/race/religion (although most of us get this equation backwards).

When we serve our animUS first, we have juicy enerchi to play this game of Life.
To serve our animUS, there are some basic needs that must be met in order for us to function optimally.

BASICS:
SLEEP - Personally, I need 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep daily.  Since I am an early riser, I like to take a nap midday so I have enough energy to make it till bedtime.

FOOD -  I need nutritious food/fluid that is easy for my body to digest.  For me, having eaten meat and fish once upon a time, and then transitioning to a vegetarian, I have settled on a vegan Raw Food, plant based lifestyle that helps my body absorb, process and poop easily and efficiently.

MOVEMENT - I need at least 30-45 minutes of running/dancing/piloxi (pilates +boxing).  This helps me raise my heartbeat and sweat and release any toxins out of my body.  It also floods my body with juicy hormones that keep me calm and levelheaded for the rest of the day.

When I have all these three elements in balance, my energy level is off to an OMazing start.  My enthusiasm level is high and I am at peace within.

Doing the practice means that I take care of the EGO/Mind.  For me, my practice has evolved and changed over the years.  My research into different disciplines and methods have given me solid tools to a peaceful and happy lifestyle.  Today, my practice consists of daily MEDITATIONs

MEDITATION - I walk at dawn and dusk to keep connected to Nature. 45 minutes twice a day really clears my mind and helps me appreciate what I have in my life.   I do a chanting meditation daily where I repeat mantras (sacred utterance or numinous sound) while holding my fingers in mudras (ritual gestures).  These meditations give my brain a break and connect me to my meridians.  I laugh at myself daily and do a laughter meditation to keep my perspective fresh and flexible.

SWEEPING - I sweep the floors of our house and our front stoop.   This ritual helps me cleanse my mind of any lingering thoughts that might not serve me.  It helps me focus on gratitude for what I have in my sacred space.  It prepares me to receive all the blessings of the day.

STRETCHING - I have a very diverse yoga practice.  I try to stretch my limbs as well as my brain muscles.  Laughter yoga and yoga asanas (poses) helps me maintain my flexibility.  I love being under a tree and practicing my poses.  Hands on the earth and feet grounded, nothing like being a tree in front of a tree.

BEING -  I slow my mind down so I can truly hear what my soul has to say.  I slow my body down so that I can practice the Art of Doing No Thing.   Just Being.  I go to the park with my dog GingerMama and sit under a tree.  I look up at the clouds and listen to the birds.  I sit on my front lawn and enjoy the grass under my feet.

Putting my whole self in comes from doing laughter yoga daily.  It's actually one of the lyrics of the Hokey Pokey.   "I put my whole self in.  And I shahahake it all about."  PUTTING MY WHOLE SELF IN means I show up every day to do the practice - whether a little or a lot.  Every day, I start with these commitments to myself - this exquisite self care for loving me. Doing these basic things expands my enerchi and gives me more enthusiasm and joy.

This discipline did not hahahappen overnight.  Rather, I showed up, day after day, to do a little, to do a lot.  Over time, doing the practice helped me build a strong muscle memory so that my body could adapt and memorize these new hahahabits. 

This weekend I got to put my whole self in with my nieces.  My LOVE muscle expanded with hahahappiness to hang out with these amazing Goddesses in Real Life.    Loverboy and I love being with the little Ones and seeing the world through their eyes. We had the opportunity to experience Vietnamese cuisine with them -  and play Alphabet games and sing songs.  We got to swim like fish and laugh and just hang out for the pleasure of being together.  As we celebrated Mother's Day, it felt good to be in the MOMent and enjoy the family and have just enough enerchi to get us home safe and sound.

Tomorrow, I put my whole self in and do the practice.  It keeps me juicy and joyful and brings me so many blessings.

It gives me incentive to JUST DO IT.

 

CURIOSITY

This week has been OMazing.   A chahahahange of heART. Enthusiasm.  MOMentum. And lots of it - woohoo.

Thahahank you so much for your prayers and kind words for Mom and Dad.

Mom is in the hospital again - this time for observation and research for this red bump that formed around her stitches.  I told Mom the Doctors are going to have to pay her for her time at the hospital.   Please keep her in your prayers as she discovers what a strong OMazing Mama Goddess she is and always has been.

This week "doing the practice" included connecting with the Earth.  Spending more time outdoors in this lovely Florida weather. Hanging with the trees - enjoying the shade they provide and the wonderful breeze.  Getting down on the ground and laying in the grass.  Planting my feet in the Earth and watching the clouds dance in the sky.   Being still and observing ants and squirrels and spiders and birds, including a pair of woodpeckers who are going to nest in a hollow palm tree trunk on our swale.  I love being curious and learning new things.

One of the most reliable and overlooked keys to happiness is cultivating and exercising our innate sense of curiosity. That’s because curiosity — a state of active interest or genuinely wanting to know more about something — creates an openness to unfamiliar experiences, laying the groundwork for greater opportunities to experience discovery, joy and delight.

According to Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi, one of the founders of the field of positive psychology and a pioneering researcher in the area of flow, we can develop our curiosity (and fight boredom) by making a conscious effort to direct our attention to something in particular in our environment.

Everyone possesses curiosity to some degree. People differ according to the strength and breadth of their curiosity and their willingness to act on it.  Curiosity is something that can be nurtured and developed. With practice, we can harness the power of curiosity to transform everyday tasks into interesting and enjoyable experiences. We can also use curiosity to intentionally create wonder, intrigue and play out of almost any situation or interaction we encounter.

It all starts with wanting to know more. 

Curiosity, at its core, is all about noticing and being drawn to things we find interesting. It’s about recognizing and seizing the pleasures that novel experiences offer us, and finding novelty and meaning even in experiences that are familiar.

When we are curious, we see things differently; we use our powers of observation more fully. We sense what is happening in the present moment, taking note of what is, regardless of what it looked like before or what we might have expected it to be.

We feel alive and engaged, more capable of embracing opportunities, making connections, and experiencing moments of insight and meaning — all of which provide the foundation for a rich, aware and satisfying life experience.

Here are some important ways to tune into our curiosity and enhance our well-being and the quality of our lives:

Build knowledge. Knowledge opens our eyes to interesting gaps about what we don’t know. The child who can name 45 states is much more interested in discovering the five he or she doesn’t know than the child with only three states in the brain bank. The person learning to play the piano will hear more nuances in a piano concerto than the person who doesn’t know treble clef from bass clef. If you want to be curious, start accumulating knowledge. 

Thrive on uncertainty. We rarely look forward to anxiety and tension, but research shows that these mixed emotions are often what lead to the most intense and longest-lasting positive experiences. People who take part in new and uncertain activities are happier and find more meaning in their lives than people who rely on the familiar.  Most of us mistakenly believe that certainty will make us happier than uncertainty. Imagine that you go to a football game knowing that your team will win. Most people would say that, yes, that would make them happy. Yet knowing the outcome in advance takes away the thrill of watching each play and the good tension that comes with not knowing what will happen next. We forget about the pleasures of surprise and uncertainty.

Reconnect with play. We can add play and playfulness to almost any task, and the attitude of play naturally builds interest and curiosity. 

Find the unfamiliar in the familiar. One way to become more curious is to intentionally circumvent expectations, labels and assumptions about “seemingly” familiar activities and events. It’s easy to prejudge an activity because we think we have seen it before or avoid an activity entirely because we expect it to be boring or unpleasant.  The goal of discovering the unfamiliar in the familiar is to suspend judgments and attend to how things are, not how you expect them to be.

With tasks that are new to you or that you haven’t even considered, ask yourself if you can find one thing that is surprising to you as a newcomer to this particular activity.

These ways to increase our curiosity are adapted from a book called Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life by Todd Kashdan, PhD (HarperCollins, 2009). 

Our innate curiosity can easily become dulled by the tedium and familiarity of daily routine. Reawakening it starts with shifting how we pay attention — even in situations we’ve experienced a thousand times before. Here are some tips for shifting our attention and boosting curiosity.

Research suggests that experiencing novelty is an important factor in both health and happiness. Opportunities for novelty exist virtually everywhere, but to discover and make the most of them, we need to develop our “curiosity muscle” through more regular and intense use. Here are some easy ways to begin expanding your own curiosity capacity:

When waking: Look with “fresh eyes.” Choose to see some things in your home, partner or family that you may have overlooked before.

When talking: Strive to remain open to whatever transpires — without assuming, categorizing, judging or reacting. Ask more questions and listen with care.

When driving: Instead of zoning out on a daily commute, make a point of actively anticipating what the drivers around you are likely to do next. Stay aware of what’s ahead and on the horizon.

When working: Look for opportunities to challenge and apply yourself in ways that spark your interest and produce great results. Ask questions like: What’s interesting here? How can I make this more fun?

When exercising: Instead of going through the motions, put your attention on the intricacies and sensations of your own movement and on whatever sights, sounds and smells are within range.

Start by devoting five minutes each day to your curiosity practice. After a week, add a little more time to your training — while cooking, eating, cleaning, bathing, paying bills, sitting on your porch and so on. 

Kashdan invites his readers to become "Curious Explorers" and re-learn the valuable skills seeking out and appreciating what is new.

"When we experience curiosity, we are willing to leave the familiar and routine and take risks, even if it makes us feel anxious and uncomfortable," said Kashdan. "Curious explorers are comfortable with the risks of taking on new challenges. Instead of trying desperately to explain and control our world, as a curious explorer we embrace uncertainty, and see our lives as an enjoyable quest to discover, learn and grow."

One of the great barriers that prevents us from delving into curiosity is fear. When faced with uncertainty or risk, it is much easier, and widely approved to stay confined in what is deemed to be safe. We don't leave dead end jobs to pursue our dreams without financial stability, we don't invest in learning to sky dive just for fun, and we don't even drive a new route to work. Why? Because we are afraid to let curiosity take the full reigns.

Would you like be a "Curious Explorer" with me this week? Here's what Kashdan recommends we do: 

1.   Try to notice little details of your daily routine that you never noticed before. 
2.   When talking to people, try to remain open to whatever transpires without judging/reacting. 
3.   Let novelty unfold and resist the temptation to control the flow. 
4.   Gently allow our attention to be guided by little sights, sounds or smells that come your way.

I love building my CURIOSITY muscle.  It's a constant exploration and research of what I think I know and what I am about to learn.  It opens my senses, sharpens my mind and creates awareness for me. 

Here's a little movie of one of our last days with Maxie Meow - she was so curious and it brought such joy to our hearts.

Losing my Equilibrium

Let me tell you about my magical Maxie.  This little Meow entered my life unexpectedly in January – just between two new Moons.   I have spent hours with her daily resting and napping and getting cozy – cheek to fur – her little body sprawled out all over me – in our bed, in the hammock, on the grass.   She has the most OMazing purr – magnetic and warm and mesmerizing.

Daily we go on jaunts into our front yard which is like a tropical forest from Maxie’s perspective – full of trees and plants.  We cross over my neighbor’s one inch plant wall and enter the forest of chimes.   Sitting – smelling – seeing – taking it all in while remaining slightly hidden in the brush.   And then we lift our head to the wind and find an enticing aroma that has us dashing down between the houses and out to the back garden and right next to the chickens next door.

I love this little Meow – when she sleeps she stretches her big rabbit paws and flexes her claws.  Stretch – stretch – stretch and she touches you – her pawpad pink and soft and hot.  And if I move, she readjusts herself so she fits around me – finding the nook in my arm to burrow within.

Yesterday was the most OMazing and worst day of my life.  Within moments, everything in my world chahahanged.  I woke up a little early and put on my layers and took the GingerMama for a walk.  I returned home after 45 minutes, cool on the outside, toasty on the inside.   I took off all my clothes and got back into bed.   Maxie jumped right up on the bed and found a cozy little pocket near my hip.  She plopped herself down and started to purr.   LoverBoy found us and we all cuddled together.

LoverBoy left us to run errands and me and the Maxie were still snoozing.  She was now across my chest with her rabbit longpaws  - she stretched her little body and resumed purring.  So hahahard to get out of bed and leave this little soul.

As I swept the house, Maxie followed me from room to room – reminding me to shake my carpets and open my windows and doors.   We sat by the front door – she ran out to play, I meditated with my plants.   She came to nibble my ankles and remind me to water my plants.  She played in the pile of leaves – pouncing on lizards and jumping for the butterflies.

After cleaning, I took a little time out.  Grabbed a new book and a mug of lemon infused water and I settled into my hammock.   GingerMama laid down to the right of me, Elly Belly sat in the doorstop and Maxie – she cried out to join me in the hammock.  I picked her up and she settled on half my stomach and my thigh.

Together, we lay – heart to heart – swaying and purring.   I read about 200 pages and then the little one started to stir.  It was time to move.  Out through the side door, we went to visit with our neighbor’s dog and chickens.  Maxie laid down under the trailer.  I sat on the bamboo trunks across from her.  Petey the dog sat with his face to the fence sniffing our aromas.  The chickens, clucking and cooing, got closer and closer.  It was a glorious experience of being one with the animals and enjoying the camaraderie. 

After a few minutes, a lizard ran through some leaves and Maxie followed.  This time she plopped herself by the driveway hidden by some bougainvillea.  I sat down near her.  We stretched and did different yoga poses.  I went back inside to find some greens for the chickens.  I found some kale in the fridge and took out the garbage too.  Fed the chickens, dumped the garbage, and laughed at Maxie who was totally sprawled out in the sunshine enjoying life.

I went back inside and was sweeping the kitchen floor when I heard her scream.  I looked out the window and saw nothing.  I heard LoverBoy pulling up into our driveway.  I ran out the side door and there she was - laying down on the ground – except something was wrong.  She was laying down but every second breath was a convulsion and panting.  I tried to approach while she was doing this dance – trying to exhale forcibly, panting and then dragging her body to the left and flopping over on her right.

I tried to pick her up to see if she had anything lodged in her mouth.  LoverBoy came running to assess the situation.  My little Maxie’s tongue was turning blue and I didn’t know what to do.  We got into the car with Maxie wrapped in a blanket.  She meowed, she hissed and then she stopped fighting.  She meowed once again and took her last breath.  She died on my lap two blocks from the hospital.  

That’s when I lost my equilibrium.  Like all of a sudden, a great big earthquake occurred in my body.  Tears streaming down my face, snot running out of my nose, body on an extreme adrenaline rush.   We got Maxie to the hospital only to have them pronounce her dead.    Just so you know, Maxie was seven months old.  Life isn’t supposed to hahahappen this way.    

When ZekoMan passed away, we had 15 wonderful years together.  His body let me know that it was breaking down and it would be his time to go.  With Maxie, there was no warning.  One moment we were playing together.  The next moment she takes her last breath.

I was not prepared for that to occur today.  I imagined Maxie and we would have many years together.  I can’t concentrate.  I can’t even breathe without liquid coming out of some orifice on my face.  The enormity of this loss hits me right in the stomach.  How life is forever chahahanged without Maxie in my life.  LoverBoy and I are a mess – everything feels surreal.  Standing in the animal hospital – not sure what to do, how to proceed, how to get back to “life”.

We ordered a necropsy (an autopsy for animals) in order to get some closure.  Although the doctor could not tell us 100% definitely, she said it looked like a feline asthma attack and that the Little One’s lungs just stopped working.

I never knew how much it hurt to love.  I have loved before and lost before.  Except this time, it is feeling so strong – so visceral – this hurt, this pain in my heart of knowing this Little One will never rub my legs again or curl up next to me or ontop of me.  Knowing when I call her name she will never show up again.  This feeling of  LOSS and SADNESS threatens to envelop me.   The mind starts working – what else could I have done – is this my fault – why didn’t I do something different???

I shake myself – shahahahakti shake – release the drama in my head.  I try to laugh – I call up my memories of Maxie and me in the hammock – Maxie in my pajama pants – Maxie sprawled out on LoverBoy’s desk – and the tears come again.   This time, tears of gratitude intermingled with sadness.  SO blessed to have known this little Soul during her brief time on our planet.   SO blessed to have her in our family and home for these 2 ½ months.  So blessed to have all these delicious sensory memories with Maxie, this enlightened soul who shared a brief moment with we .

I always tell peeps who come to Laughter Yoga and cry during our Circle that this is natural.  Crying is the opposite end of the emotional spectrum where laughter is found.  Fluctuating from one end to the other rapidly – that can cause the wind to be knocked out of you. 

I slowly breathe – trying to find my equilibrium – knowing that this too shall pass – my heart fuller and open wide thanks to Maxie.

REST IN PEACE MAXIE GIRL – We Love you - Goddess, Noah, GingerMama and EllyBelly

Something Better in Mind

As I turned 45, I was desperately praying to the Universe for a little soul all my own to love.   Funny thing is, every time I make this prayer, a new member joins our family.

This time, we got a phone call from BFAM Victor with a little kitten who was domesticating him.  Since he couldn't keep her, he called us.  I asked GingerMama and EllyBelly about bringing a little One to live with us.  Of course, they said yes.  And so our newest member Maxie moved in.

Maxie the Meow was quite independent before she arrived - living a life of leisure at the beach she decided to settle in with we humans.  On her first night at our house, she was fine in my creative room - a small space to get acclimated in her new surroundings. However, the moment she saw a patio and pool beyond the window, she learned to fly out the window.  She loves being outside in the garden and walking around the pool.  She loves nestling in the grass and sniffing everything.   

She loves being with us.  I call her name and within moments she responds.   She flies in a room and marks her scent all over me as she rubs her little body around my legs.  She makes me laugh - the crazy way she totally relaxes her body when she sleeps or how one ear goes up but nothing else moves.  Or how she leaps in one amazing bound when she is ready to explore and investigate.  Or how in the next moment she lays across my knee and falls asleep.

I had forgotten what it means to have a Little One in the house again.  Besides the litter box and the extra cat food - she adds quite a bit of things to do that I was not keeping up with.  Having her in the house has made us reexamine how we do things.  A little re-evaluation of our lives from her perspective.  Maxie is so very sensitive to things we take for granted - her sense of smell is so heightened that dishes that sit in the sink or laundry in the basket is not very pleasant for her.  Being the smallest member of the family, she is low the ground. She likes to plop herself wherever is most in her pleasure.

In our household, all four footed beings are LITTLE PEEPs - souls that needs response-ability in order to survive & thrive in our home.  The water must be changed fresh every day - food must be served - bowls cleaned  - floors swept - carpets shook -  blankets/bedding changed.  Then there's the daily brush - combing of fur to remove lodged in dirt and fleas.   And massage - slow touch and rubbing - connection of paws to hands.

Maxie is quite verbal - she meows loud enough to let you know when she wants your attention.  And when I don't get it, she nips at my ankles as if to lovingly remind me that she knows best.  The amazing thing is that all that she requests done in the house is something that benefits the household.  It keeps me current on my housework, house smelling clean and fresh.

Maxie loves to nap.  First, she naps by our feet.  And then, she climbs under the covers and lays by my body and starts to purr.   She reminds me to slow down and move away from my computer and head to my bed so I can stretch my whole body and rest.  She loves to take her siesta at the hottest time of day.   She is then refreshed for her afternoon jaunts in the garden.                                

Maxie is also very inquisitive - she jumps into or onto anything - no fear.   The other day she jumped onto the prickly tree we have out front.   As quick as she jumped on it, she bounced back.  Except she didn't go scampering away.  She was hobbling.  I called her over and pet her until she relaxed in my arms and let me pick her up. She had so many little sharp needle like protrusions sticking out of her baby paws and stuck in her fur.  As LoverBoy rubber under her chin, I slowly extracted what did not belong.

Maxie's coming into our lives has been such a blessing.  She is helping me with HOW I DO ANYTHING IN MY LIFE IS HOW I DO EVERYTHING.   What I remember thanks to Maxie is that there are no shortcuts and that a job worth doing is a job worth doing well.  And that if I am going to do it, I might as well as laugh about it and have a good time.    Thanks for being with us Maxie Meow and loving us just right.  And thahahank you my Brother from Another Mother Victor for bringing this angel into our lives at just the right MOMent.

Words that start with the Letter "F"

 

A few choice words playing on my mind this week - based on the yummy FEEDBACK I received from last week's Exploring Joy.   

 

Being with my parents for three days - under my FATHER's roof after being on my own, independent and married, was not easy.   While I managed to stay in my pleasure most of the time, I found myself experiencing FEELINGS that I was no longer FAMILIAR with.   Some of the feelings I was familiar with like FRUSTRATION (the waiting, this is not what I had planned,  difficult personalities) and FEAR (what is going to happen, not knowing how to help and what the future holds).  Some of the feelings were not even my own but rather those I picked up while taking my parents to their doctors and running errands for them.   Being in an environment that was not my own made it difficult to digest all these feelings.  

Over the years, I have learned to let my feelings come up and sit with them, no matter how uncomfortable they might be and do nothing but watch and learn.    As you sit through a feeling it gives you a gift - an appreciation for what it was you went through and what value it has in your life.  At my parents - three days - there was no time to sit through the barrage of emotions that was hahahappening.  While I was trying to stay calm and process my surroundings, I let myself become unconscious about FOOD.   

Being in someone else's space also meant I had to live by their haHAhabits and ways of being.  For my FATHER, FOOD has always been connected with pleasure.   As a child growing up in a Jewish household, FOOD was always something that brought our family together.  Every MOMent I remember had FOOD written all over it.  Going out to a nice restaurant was a treat, eating a piece of cake was a celebration.  FOOD was a reward that was deserved for working hard or accomplishing something.   

When I grew up and moved out, FOOD became a way to hide my FEELINGs.  It was also the easiest weapon of choice to hurt myself and cover up who I truly was.  Why FEEL when you can eat?  I might have continued with this FARCE except I got really sick in my late 20s-early 30s - a bout with FIBROMYALGIA and depression had me investigating all the FACETS of my life that did not work.  FOOD was the relationship I was most vested in - doing it daily and three times at that.  

What my research uncovered is that there were many FOODS that were detrimental to my body - it stayed in my body too long, it hurt to poop out, it remained as fat on my body and it messed up my hormones.  Many FOODs that had been staples of my diet were eliminated (bread, anything white, wheat, meat, chicken, fish, processed foods, cake, cookies, cereal, dairy products).

Over the last ten years, I've become truly conscious of what I consume - very much aware that what goes in must come out.  My research of FOOD has taught me that FOOD is FUEL FIRST.   Our bodies work like our car, the better the fuel, the greater the performance.   My lifestyle chaHAhanges added fruits and vegetables into my daily intake and I began to feel more energy and vitality.  I stopped cooking and learned to create rawlicious recipes using alkaline ingredients.  Over time, my desire for FOOD that once had a hold on me dissipated (bye bye pizza and ice cream).  I began to crave healthy juicy FOODS that were not emotionally connected to my memories.  I put in FUEL that was easy to digest and healthy for my body and easy to poop.  Raw juicy and nutritious Food brings me a different kind of pleasure than just smell and taste - I get wellbeing and FREEDOM.   No longer tied to breakfast, lunch and dinner, I eat when I need FUEL - when I feel hungry.

All that disappeared while I was at my parents.   While I meditated and walked, I was overwhelmed with FEELINGS and FOOD.   My parent's pantry was full of childhood staples (pistachios, hummus, chocolate cake, salads made with mayonnaise, Israeli couscous and bread).  I started eating FOOD that I would never bring into my house. However, here it was staring me in the FACE and I was serving it to my parents.  What hahahappened is I would taste it.  And then have a little more. Until I found myself FULL.   Eating more than my body could digest in one meal.  (One little sliver of chocolate cake, a handful of pistachios, some matbouchaHAha and Moroccan carrot salad).  While it tasted delicious, I noticed my energy became sluggish and my hahahappiness level slumped.   I came home 3 days later 3 pounds heavier.  FLUSTERED and feeling FOOLISH over this FIASCO, I slept for two whole days.

Appreciative for this experience, I felt FORTUNATE that I had the tools and the wisdom to FIX myself healthy again.  I juiced for three days straight - filling my body up with digestive enzymes and enough liquid to FLUSH anything that didn't belong within me out.  I also felt a great deal of FORGIVENESS to myself for putting myself in this situation.  Sometimes when you think you have resolved old issues and are in control, the Universe shows you a deeper layer of skin that needs to be shed.  I have such great appreciation for my FATHER for bringing up all my old ways of looking at things related to FOOD.   And for giving myself the opportunity to truly align myself - talk the talk and walk the walk.  Recommitting myself to my raw lifestyle and being gentle and compassionate with myself as I learn more.   Laughing at myself as I FALTER and FIND my way back to what works for me.