INTEGRITY

This week I pray for integrity.

This week I made choices that were so totally freeing to my soul and yet  contradictory to my family’s tradition and culture.

This weekend was Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year.  According to Chabad.org, it is the "day on which we are closest to G-d and to the quintessence of our own souls.  It is the Day of Atonement.  For nearly twenty six hours, practicing Jews abstain from food and drink, washing their bodies and sex.   They pray indoors, in a synagogue, in a type of religious fervor until the end of the Fast when they share food together.

This tradition no longer felt right for me.   On so many different levels, I was seeking a more spiritual experience of connecting with my divinity.    Friday night, after sitting with my parents for their Friday night meal (cooked by LoverBoy – woohoo), I took myself to Raja Yoga at Anuttara Yoga Shala.

This Friday, our class was smaller and more intimate.  I had the opportunity to practice right next to my yoga teacher, Philip, and right in front of a mirror.  The music embraced me while the heat in the room allowed me to release the tension in my muscles and access a deeper layer of myself.

 

This form of practice tranquilizes the mind while energizing the body and soothing the soul.  For me, it is an opportunity to open my body and heart and empty my mind.  My teacher, Philip has a peaceful engaging voice which keeps me present and focused in my body – melting into my bones while my connective tissue expands and my hips open.

As I listened to his gentle voice guide my body, his truthful words were punctuated by powerful thunder that matched the electromagnetic energy we were creating in the room.  A bolt of lightning illuminated the top windows in the Tapas Hall and lit up the statues of Shiva Shakti and made my experience even more mystical. 

Philip reminded us of the sacredness of our practice as it was also the 9^th day of the Navaratri holiday – a Hindu holiday that honors Shakti (the Divine Feminine/Mother) and looks to her for spiritual cleansing, guidance, and enlightenment.    With sweat pouring out of my cells, my body felt limber and my mind was at peace.  I knew I was in the right place, at the right time.

I prayed during my practice for my forgiveness and asked for more compassion and patience with myself.  I prayed for more listening to the guidance from within.  I prayed to the inner child that I honor her and laugh with her and put her first.

Even though this is not how many Jews practice this High HolyDay, this is how this recovering Jew became in integrity with her spirit.    

For me, integrity is finding my way into the world truthfully – not because my parents said so, or religion dictates or this is how everybody does it but rather because it resonates within.  It creates an inner experience that radiates my light into the world.

And so, I laugh at loud and follow my own path, knowing that this is my way of bringing peace into this world and chahahanging history to herstory.

Nico & Vinz sing it like it is.  Enjoy!!!

Art of Doing NO Thing

 

  

Rest and laughter are the most 

spiritual and subversive acts of all.    

Laugh, rest, slow down.

                             

 -  Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

I've spent years perfecting the Art of Doing No Thing - one of the most difficult things I've ever had to learn to be.

First, I thought doing no thing was taking a day off work and lounging around the house - watching TV, reading a book, catching up on household chores.... I realized I was still doing something.   

I incorporated napping into my schedule.  I would lay there on my bed and while my body was at rest, my mind was running thousands of miles an hour.  Feeling guilty for all the things I should be doing. Not giving myself permission to just be.

I incorporated guided meditations during naptime - listening to someone's voice take me on a journey of the inner recesses of my mind - focusing on a mantra and tuning into the musical soundwaves.  Gradually, my mind slowed down.  Emptied out a little bit.  I realized that I didn't need to sleep.  I just needed to be still.

My dog encouraged me to go outside.  We would sit on the grass doing no thing - listening to the wind blow.  Feet naked in the ground - watching the tree branches sway.  When thoughts would come up, I would watch them and bid them peace and farewell.  Taking a deep breath and focusing on my environment - the luscious grass, the cool earth, the trees providing me with shade.

Laying back on the ground, watching the clouds dance.  Turning over on my stomach, observing the ants marching up and down grass stalks. A whole ecosystem below me - holding me up and providing me comfort.  Connecting my nature to Mother Nature.  It felt so peaceful and energizing.

I realized that slowing down and resting gave me more energy and stamina when I shifted into being a human doing again.

I began to seek other ways to find this delicious peace of resting - this pleasureful sensation of feeling loose and present in my body - relaxed yet aware.

I found it in laughter.   When I have a good laugh, it's like I shaHAhake all my cells up and down.  Everything jiggle and joggles and gets moved about.   A delicious chaHAhaos of breath erupts resulting in peace and pandemonium within.   

In the beginning, to have a good laugh laugh, I watched funny movies or listened to a comedian.  While that helped, it kept my mind going with all sorts of stimuli.   Laughter Yoga - laughing for no reason - brought me the stillness of mind I was seeking.  Engaging my body to function in a way that was pleasure-full to my soul. Creating a sensation of mirth within that would overflow outside of me and make a wonderful sound.

We live in a culture where we are taught to do, do, do - rest is seen as being lazy.  We live in a world of seriousness and stress.  Laughter is not the norm.  Both of these birthrights - Rest and Laughter - taken away as we grow up to fit into our society.

Yet - we seek it.  We crave it.   The pleasure of stillness - of being, resting, laughing.  When we hear it and experience it, it lightens up our soul.   Yes, Anne Lamott, I am a subversive, a pleasure Revolutionary to my core.   Woohoo!!!