THE LANGUAGE of LOVE

Studying the social behavior of love, it was found that laughter is a huge factor in meeting, matching and mating.  Women seek a partner who can make them laugh.  And men are eager to comply with this request.

This groundbreaking research was done by Robert R. Provine, a neuroscientist and Professor of Psychology at the University of Maryland. He studies development and evolution of the nervous system and behavior, including human social behavior.  He's even written a few books including, Laughter:  A Scientific Investigation.

In fact, the research shows that it is women who do the most laughing and smiling while in the dating stage of a relationship.  The more a woman laughs aloud, the greater her self-reported interest in this man.  Simply put, the more he makes her laugh, the more attractive she finds him.   Vice versa, men are more interested in women who laugh at their sense of humor.  Simply put, men are attracted to women who laugh at them.

A German study quoted in his book shows:  THE LAUGHTER OF THE FEMALE, not the male, is the CRITICAL index of a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.  What truly matters is that a woman laughs in her relationship.   She creates the RESONANCE that raises the vibration.   As they say, a happy wife is a happy life.

Speaking from my 16 years of married experience to LoverBoy, LAUGHTER is the glue.   Over the years, we've learned to laugh at everything that haHAhappens.   We find the humor in just about anything and then are so grateful for our gentle life experiences.   And when we both laugh together, life is so very very good!!!  Yay!!!

This explains why having a sense of humor is near the top of women's priority list of what they look for in a man. When a woman says 'He's such a funny guy - we spent the whole night laughing together' she usually means that she spent the night laughing and he spent the night making her laugh.

LAUGHTER might just be the language of love as it is a universal language that needs no words.    As is music - another language of LOVE.   And singing.   An act of love to oneself.  Some say that divine RESONANCE can be found by chaHAhanting - a vocal meditation - uniting our mind, body and breath through sound.

I believe this to be true.  It is OMazing how quickly singing a song can chaHAhange my body's chemistry and take me from low to high in a sound beat.

What we chaHAhant is less important as the willingness to focus fully on letting our song come out to play.   ChaHAhanting lets us raise our vibrational level so we can fly high.    

I realized this when I started my HAHA anthems - singing a la gibberish made me feel great.  I enjoyed the freedom of letting my tongue roll any which way.   And the creativity of sound is so much fun.  It also made people laugh just hearing me and encouraged them to make their own.

Here's a simple act of RESONANCE from me to you - raising our vibration one HAHA at a time:

Freedom of Forgiveness

"Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt 

only g

ives you tense muscles, a headache and a 

sore jaw 

from clenching your teeth. 

Forgiveness gives you back laughter

and the lightness in your life." 

-Joan Lunden

I used to have a lot of anger in my life. I would take things personally and hold on to past grudges and resentments.  If you hurt me, I would hold on to it for a long time.  Not just in my head (replaying the story over and over again) but in my body.   I was carrying this extra weight to cover my wounds and protect myself.   

One day, I read a book by Thich Nhat Hanh called Anger - he talked about embracing our anger with the sunshine of mindfulness.  Breathing through it, like cooking potatoes, and embracing it to find its true nature and gift.    Dealing with anger through love and tenderness for oneself is a powerful practice.

I started writing letters to people I felt had hurt me.  Letters that I wrote and kept - letters asking of forgiveness to me, myself and I for being caught up in the situation.  I forgave myself for whatever thoughts and actions I contributed in creating that moment.  I forgave myself for what I knew and what I didn't know.   I forgave the other person for their pain and suffering that found a conduit through me.  I would write these letters and put them away.  A funny thing haHAhappened - as I wrote and let go of my stories, my weight came right off.  It was like I no longer needed to hide my love and light.

One of my most favorite exercises in Laughter Yoga is LAUGHING at YOURSELF.  I love practicing this simple technique - pointing at myself,

 laughing and then kissing the palm and planting it on my body.  It reminds me to be gentle and loving with myself.   It strengthens my HAHA muscle so that I can best respond to any situation that comes my way.

Recently, I had a chaHAhance to practice.   Someone I love was very angry and rude with me.  The bitterness of their words and the violence of their expression brought me to tears.   For a MOMent, my ego wanted to take center stage and bask in the glow of anger and stay in the pain.  

A child who witnessed the moment later came to me as I cried and reminded me that this person was in great pain and overwhelmed and scared.  She reminded me to use my Laughter Yoga skills and shaHAhakti shaHAhake it right out of my system.  I did.  I laughed at myself for taking it all so seriously.  

Those who can laugh at themselves are able to brush aside hurt with a sense of compassion.  And in that space, forgiveness arises and love returns.

A Course in Miracles states that our purpose on earth is to forgive.  Cutting ourselves some slack and doing the same for others.  Focusing on all the good and LOVE that exists and letting go of anything that doesn't serve us.  For that is the path of peace.

SAND & STONE - A Story

ILLUMINATION

It feels like a light, burning at the very center of me, pulsing and expanding and pouring through every inch of my being

like some unstoppable force.

And when I smile, that's the 

light pushing through 

And when I cry, my tears act 

as tiny prisms, dripping with light, 

casting rainbows across my cheeks.

And when I laugh, that's the 

light spontaneously bursting within me,

erupting into the Universe to resonate

into the abyss.

That's what it feels like to be me, 

or at least, that's the best 

I can explain it.

I am a light, a fire, an explosion of joy.

I burn with love and life and 

the enchanting potential for more.

I wonder and wander through the world, 

smiling and laughing and loving.

I am a luminous being.  

And so are you, dear strangers and friends.

Trust me, I have sat quietly

back and observed.

I have watched you flash by in flames.

- written by Frankie Zelneck Simon Rogers

Illumination from THEXFR on Vimeo.

Symmetry and ME

I pray for symmetry this week because I am looking for balance.  Life is giving me an opportunity to learn something anew - from a different perspective.

Life is all about symmetry.  It's all around us - balanced proportions - what's on the left is on the right - as above, so below.  What we do to the left side and right side, we do to the front and back.

Almost two years ago, I broke a bone in my right foot. It took quite a while to heal. In the first month or so, I rested and did nothing.  I BE for quite a while as I let my bones strengthen and realign.   

Last month, I danced with the pavement and twisted my ankle.  It got a little swollen and bruised and I gave it some elevation and ice and did my best to rest.  The swelling subsided and the pain became tolerable.  

The next day I flew from Texas to Florida. The swelling flared up again.  I took a few days to rest and relax.  And then, life came a calling and I went a running.  

Instead of adapting to a new lifestyle and asking for help - I tried to resume most of my activities and do everything myself.  I didn't realize the impact of   walking the dog, shopping, cleaning, driving, going to the beach - was having on my foot.   My ankle would swell because of my daily activities and I would ice and elevate every night.

Last week, my body screamed at me.  My Ipad haHAhappened to fall off the edge of my bed and land on the second toe of my left foot.  Direct impact - just one toe.  HaHAhappens to be my big toe since it is longer than my thumb toe.  My toe got bruised and swollen and sends ripples of pain to all the toes around it.

Now, between my ankle and my toe, my left foot feels really chaHAhallenging to walk on.   Still, I did not completely listen.   Yesterday,  I stubbed my toes.  The second and the third toe on my LEFT foot.  The pain was so excruciating, I saw stars.  I stopped and sat down and took a deep breath.   

For me, when my body speaks - injuries or pain - I know I am being told something.   Some message is trying to get across.

I pulled out my trusty Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life and referenced my injuries.  

Feet problems have to do with our understanding of ourselves, of life and others.  It has to do with fear of the future and stepping forward into what life has to offer.

More specifically, her assessment of fractures was spot on.  She describes a fracture as rebelling against authority.   Learning to trust myself regardless of what "professionals" tell me is best for me.  At the time this occurred, I was taking all sorts of crazy medical tests that felt wrong for me - trying to prove to my family that I was healthy in my raw food lifestyle.  My right foot, feminine side, was in conflict with what I knew and what the experts were saying.   To listen, my body gave me a powerful message and time to hear.

This time around, the ankle and the toes - Hays' assessment is the ability to receive pleasure and the minor details in life.  I had to really listen to this and put one and one together.  My left foot - my masculine side - the one that runs the show and takes care of myself and everybody else.   It's true.  I was so busy helping and nurturing and caring that I forgot to receive pleasure for my body, for my way of life, for what brings me juiciness and haHAhappiness.   And so my body showed me.  First in my ankle and then in my toes (the minor details) - how I can receive pleasure in even the smallest things in life.

Like Elly Belly rubbing her fur against my toes in her so gentle feline way and me being present in this moment with her.   Like walking in the grass with the Earth under my feet making me strong and enjoying the moment and breathing it in.   Like letting LoverBoy go to the market to do our shopping instead of trying to do it all.  

Receiving pleasure and balancing both sides of ME. Letting go of my fears (False Expectations Appearing Real) of the future and what may be and trusting myself and my wisdom.

The symmetry of the the left and right (masculine and feminine) - balanced proportions - that work well together, if I can get out of my own way.   WhaHAhat an OMazing chaHAhallenge - woohoo!!!

Collaboration

I have a dream

A song to sing

A vision to create

I love to laugh and dance and sing and be joyful.  

I love to see people smiling and laughing.

Two years ago, after seeing flash mobs on TV and YouTube and participating in one - I created a meetup group called FLASHMOBS Miami. 

I wanted to collaborate with peeps who love to dance and have fun. Peeps who want to learn choreography and practice and show up in crowded spaces and dance or sing and disappear.  What an OMazing ride it's been!!!

This is where the power of collaboration comes in.   When two or more gather, creativity becomes magical - where intuition and ideas bounce off one another.   There's a certain group genius that you can't get when working by yourself.

That is how our flashmobs work.   I collaborate with a choreographer to create magic for feet and a video to practice to.  I collaborate with a venue to get permission to play and perform.  I collaborate with dancers by finding them space to rehearse and opportunities to dance.

And the exhilaration and joy of seeing peeps around us when they realize we are dancing and performing for their enjoyment - priceless.

Life is like that - we can try to go it alone however the richness of the fabric, the pleasure of the journey is in finding peeps who can add the pieces to your puzzle.

Enjoy some of our flashmobs from the past years.  

  

I believe in you - me - WE

Our connection 

Our communication 

Our tribe

MOTION in ACTION

Motion - movement of any kind - swaying, shaking, dancing, breathing, heart

beating.  It haHAhappens in our bodies all the time, regardless of whether we are

choosing it or not.    Like the sea - the waves keep on coming - rushing in to the

shore, running back to the ocean.   One motion after another after another

creating momentum, a force to be reckoned wtih.


When we make a choice about our motion, we can do or create something 

(Action). For example, this newsletter.  


When I first started, writing a newsletter was overwhelming.  I took little baby

steps.  I wrote an intro section.  I picked a prayer.  I shaHAhared a video.   Over 

the  years, I've added more baby steps.   Now, this is what my process looks like:

I meditate on my prayer - one baby step.    

A word comes to me - one baby step.

I write a prayer - one baby step.   

I research and watch videos - many baby steps.

I shaHAhare a pleasure practice -  one baby step.       

I shaHAhare a feel good moment - one baby step.

I write a blog - one baby step.

I pray for peeps and put them into our Healing Circle - many baby steps

I preview my newsletter and laugh at my silliness - two baby steps

I edit and post pictures - a few baby steps.

I hit SEND - one baby step.

One thing leads me to the next - creating momentum to get this accomplished.

All these baby steps - five years in the taking - accumulate into this finished

product, my fabulous HaHAhappy newsletter.

I learnt this process from SARK from her BODACIOUS BOOK OF SUCCULENCE

 - a systems she calls MICROMOVEMENTs - to help us get over 

procrastination  and perfectionism.   Doing little things for no more than 5 minutes 

at a time creates the momentum to get things done. 

For more information and her worksheet, click HERE

REST & LAUGHTER

 

  

Rest and laughter are the most spiritual and subversive 
acts of all.    Laugh, rest, slow down.

                              -  Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

I've spent years perfecting the Art of Doing No Thing - one of the most difficult things I've ever had to learn to be.

First, I thought doing no thing was taking a day off work and lounging around the house - watching TV, reading a book, catching up on household chores.... I realized I was still doing something.   

I incorporated napping into my schedule.  I would lay there on my bed and while my body was at rest, my mind was running thousands of miles an hour.  Feeling guilty for all the things I should be doing. Not giving myself permission to just be.

I incorporated guided meditations during naptime - listening to someone's voice take me on a journey of the inner recesses of my mind - focusing on a mantra and tuning into the musical soundwaves.  Gradually, my mind slowed down.  Emptied out a little bit.  I realized that I didn't need to sleep.  I just needed to be still.

My dog encouraged me to go outside.  We would sit on the grass doing no thing - listening to the wind blow.  Feet naked in the ground - watching the tree branches sway.  When thoughts would come up, I would watch them and bid them peace and farewell.  Taking a deep breath and focusing on my environment - the luscious grass, the cool earth, the trees providing me with shade.

Laying back on the ground, watching the clouds dance.  Turning over on my stomach, observing the ants marching up and down grass stalks. A whole ecosystem below me - holding me up and providing me comfort.  Connecting my nature to nature.  It felt so peaceful and energizing.

I realized that slowing down and resting gave me more energy and stamina when I shifted into being a human doing again.

I began to seek other ways to find this delicious peace of resting - this pleasureful sensation of feeling loose and present in my body - relaxed yet aware.

I found it in laughter.   When I have a good laugh, it's like I shaHAhake all my cells up.  Everything jiggle and joggles and gets moved about.   A delicious chaHAhaos of breath resulting in peace and relaxation within.   

In the beginning, to have a good laugh laugh, I watched funny movies or listened to a comedian.  While that helped, it kept my mind going with all sorts of stimuli.   Laughter Yoga - laughing for no reason - brought me the stillness of mind I was seeking.  Engaging my body to function in a way that was pleasureful to my soul.  Creating a sensation of mirth within that would overflow outside of me and make a wonderful sound.

We live in a culture where we are taught to do, do, do - rest is seen as being lazy.  We live in a world of seriousness and stress.  Laughter is not the norm.  Both of these birthrights taken away as we grow up to fit our society.

Yet - we seek it.  We crave it.  The pleasure of stillness - of being, resting, laughing.  When we hear it and experience it, it lightens up our soul.   Yes, Anne Lamott, I am a subversive, a pleasure Revolutionary to my core.   Woohoo!!!