RADICAL TRANSPARENCY

We've all got struggles, worries and fears. Why are we afraid or ashaHAhamed of how we really feel at times? Who are we trying to impress? What makes us put on a smile and pretend when that is not what we are feeling on the inside?

My dad asked me to write about this so I can shed some light or have an A-ha MOMent on the relationship I have with my brother.

When we were young we were very close.  Like peas in a pod.  We would fight and blame each other and then we'd make up and be inseparable.  When I was seventeen, my brother and Dad went to live in Milwaukee for a year to set up a new home and space for us.  The next year my Mom and I followed.  My brother had turned into a teenager.  We still shared MOMents (Eddie Murphy RAW and other concerts) but we were drifting in different worlds (highschool and college).   And then the family moved back to Canada and I stayed in the United States. My brother and I drifted further apart. 

And then my brother was all grown up and getting married.   Started a family of his own.  Married a smart and beautiful woman who gave me a nephew and niece.  And we got closer again because of the children.

Recently, I went to visit my brother and his family.  I went there to help out while my sister-in-law was recuperating from surgery.  Being the LOVECat that I am and my desire to help and heal and share, I overextended myself.  

I would get up early to take care of the dog and help my sister-in-law get settled and then do laundry and clean up the kitchen.  I would forgo nap time to prepare lunch or go buy groceries or hang with my niece.  I would get to bed late.  After five days of this routine, I began to feel exhausted and cranky and resentful.   And I still put a smile on my face and resumed with my self-imposed responsibilities.

Here's the thing - when what we feel and what we say does not align, there is bound to be an explosion.  Like a ball being held under the surface of the water, the moment you release the pressure, it pops right out.

The first one, again, self-imposed.  Having lost my focus, I fell off a  curb and landed splat on the pavement.   Sprained my ankle and scraped off skin from my knee, elbow, cheek, ear and forehead.  That definitely slowed me down a whole bunch.  It made it more difficult to function and easier to listen to what was not being said.

The second explosion came from my surroundings.  Again, people feel the vibration you are putting out and respond to that more than to your words.  One day later, my sister-in-law blew up at me.  A disagreement turned mean when she lashed out in anger, saying things that truly hurt.  I cried and then laughed about (thanks to my niece reminding me that laughing about it would make it easier to haHAhandle).  Since then, my brother and I have not talked.

Now, as I write about it, I forgive myself.  I take responsibility for my part - not recognizing the energy I was putting out.  

It's kind of like the weather.  While it's nice for it to be sunny all the time, we also go through cloudy days and thunderstorms and rain. When that hahahappens, we need an umbrella or some shelter.  

I could have taken care of me and replenished my batteries instead of acting like everything was fine when that was not what I was feeling inside.  I could have taken a time out and laughed at myself.  I could have nurtured me before going on to nurture others.  I could have asked questions and gained clarity before making assumptions.

 And so the Universe taught me once again to feel what I am feeling and do no haHAharm (Ahimsa).   Moodiness is not a victimless crime.  I was reMINDed that when I am not feeling great to go off and be in whatever mood I need to be until that too passes.

When I sit  with what I am feeling and experience it, I learn alot about myself.  I find the love in the MOMent and can shift my mindset. I breathe deep and find the attitude of gratitude that finds the blessings in even this kind of experience.  I laugh about the words which were momentarily and remember the feelings we've shared over the years.

And when my brother is ready to talk to me, he will find the door open and the heart accommodating.  

With radical transparency, I release myself of this incident and know that LOVE and time heals all wounds and that this too shaHAhall pass.

SERENITY of WE

The Universe has an OMazing sense of humor and is constantly helping us laugh at ourselves.   When I first met LoverBoy (oops WSM NoahaHAha) it was over the phone.  We talked for hours.  We connected so deeply and enjoyed the conversation.   And then we never talked again.  Three years later, I moved to Miami and bumped into him again.  And just like that we started talking again.  A conversation we have been having for the last sixteen years.

There was not always this easy peasy feeling between us.   I had no idea how to be in a relationship.  I would fly off into a tantrum when I didn't get my way or my feelings were hurt.  I would cuss and yell as if that would get my point across better.  In my anger or rage there was no place for unconditional love.  In having to be right, someone had to be wrong.  And with my Egyptian Romanian gypsy background, the passion of a good fight would overcome the compassion of our love.   It wasn't the words I was using but how I was saying it - the energy of my feelings..

One day, WSM NOahaHAha had enough.    He told me that with the words coming out of my mouth,we would never have a family together.   That gave me a pause.  Stopped to think about what I was putting out into the Universe and what curses I was sending his way and if it was getting me the results that I wanted - a peaceful loving relationship with my man.    

I got truly silent and meditated.   I got a little loud and practiced my laughter yoga.   I shook my body and shaHAhakti shaked until I got true with myself.   And then I made a decision.  To treat him like I wanted to be treated.   To make a conscious effort to breathe and respond instead of react.   To contain my anger and let it simmer so I could really see what was burning my fire.    

I gave WSM NOahaHAha a nickname, LoverBoy.   Because that is how I saw him and how I desired he would behave.  I would go for long walks when I was angry or irritated.  I would laugh about my situation and breathe deep into my diaphragm.    And LoverBoy no longer became the mirror to my behaviour - what you give, you get goes the golden rule.  We became bestest of friends with courtesy and caring.

I committed to loving.   Speaking gently, making kindness my religion, and taking myself less seriously.  In making this decision, I became calmer.  I took up yoga to support my body and pilates to strengthen and lengthen my bones.  I meditated and chaHAhanted to clear my mind.  Together, LoverBoy and I continued our laughter practice, cultivating and stretching our HAHA muscles - learning new techniques to cope with chaHAhange and chaHAhallenge.

I became peaceful with what is - who and how I am and who and how he is.   I found things that were right about him and me - and truly appreciating our quirks and our unique abilities.   I relaxed and started having fun.  And that made life easy peasy for our love to grow.

16 years - we are feeling the serenity of WE - the comfortable silence, the groove of trying new things (we took introductory flying lessons this weekend), the nooks and crannies of our bodies and how well we can spoon together.

It is so very good to be part of a relationship that warms your heart - that gives you something to look forward to and eager to get home to.  And without the mama drama - the words get replaced with feelings of love that seek to commune and connect.

I am grateful to LoverBoy for being in my life - for his wisdom and big heart - his kindness and love.  I am grateful for the opportunity to be WE together, in serenity.   WE are all One.

LANGUAGE

LANGUAGE:

1. Communication of thoughts and feelings through a system of arbitrary signals, such as voice sounds, gestures, or written symbols. System used by nation, people.

3. Body language; kinesics.

7. The manner or means of communication between living creatures other than humans: the language of dolphins.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 4th ed. copyright

I have always been confused about LANGUAGE. The first language I knew was FEELINGs. That was quickly replaced with WORDS - of the Hebrew variety and then French and then English. I always found all of these difficult although I have mastered them.

I am still mastering Patriarchy. It's not my MOTHER Tongue. However it has been useful in helping me decipher REALity in my world today.

I am just reMEMBERing my MOTHER Tongue. It was hidden away for so long. She is reEMERGing. With every book, every meeting, every HER-STORY, I am reMINDing myself of what I KNOW in my BONES.

Lately, I am reDISCOVERing another language. Resonated with it in the Dog Whisperer. Encountered it again in Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist. How does he put it?   The language WITH-out words - the UNIVERSAL language.   EnerCHI.  Good, good, good - good vibrations!!!!

I feel it when we laugh together - this EnerCHI - this Universal language where we say nothing yet we express so much.  And the feelings that envelop and embrace me and carry me for the rest of the day.

I study my four legged souls who share my sacred space. Each of them here to teach me and Guide ME how to BE. The MONKEY in me. 

How my body language speaks LOUDER than words. How I can say NO-thing with my mouth. How my thoughts and LOVE-ing intentions set things off into motion. 

How I can VIBRATE from the INside OUT. How I can create HEAT - fire skill very useful.  How I can heal myself and BE in the MOMENT and MEDITATE,

"...Mediate ....Alleviate .....Try not to hate .....Love your mate" 

And so this week, I pray for DYNAMISM - the Art of Emotional Imprinting - so that I can radiate my peaceful haHAhappy nature and pass it forward, be a LOVECat and shaHAhare.

Surrendering to BE

I am peeling the translucent layers that surround my heart. Since these are invisible to the eye, they require gentleness in order to not tear the delicate skin.   Yum.

I am learning how to be in pleasure in every dimension of my life.   The most chaHAhallenging is the maintenance of my home.  

Really learning the process of being a domestic diva - a homemaker and caretaker - has been difficult.   I fought this discipline for a long time.  Hiring others to clean my house while I was doing other things. Except no one can love my stuff well until I do and then teach them to do the same.   After going through an army of merry maids and happy housecleaners, I surrendered and took it on myself.

I place a tiara on top of my head.  I crank on the music and I let myself go.  Devoting energies into different rooms as I sort, clear, purge and clean (washing floors, windows, dusting.....). I sing along to the tunes and sway and sashay.  I feel a shift in my vibrational energy.  As the water in the mop bucket gets darker, I feel a sadness I did not know existed within, lift.

My research (experimentation and experience) shows that dancing makes everything better.  It changes a bad mood into a good mood.  It gets me into my body and out of my head when I am facing a chaHAhallenge and it allows me to move deeper within where my truth resides.

I have always believed that dancing is the way to reconnect myself with my body - to truly inhabit the space within - it is so amazing how music can fill my soul and all of a sudden, my foot starts twitching and drumming a beat and then my hand follows, tapping a rhythm on my thigh - until I surrender to the music and let myself go and allow my energy to flow.

Dancing started at a young age. Friday nights after dinner, we'd gather in the basement and dance: Abba (Dancing Queen), Neil Diamond (Coming to America), Boney M (By the River of Babylon) and anything from the soundtrack of Grease. My cousins and I, my parents, my aunts and uncles - we would release all the tensions and cares of the weeks and boogie on down.

When I was in my teens, my girlfriends and I would sneak into the bars and dance, dance, dance - we didn't care for the drinking or the men - just the music pulsating in our veins and the unrestrained freedom of moving and sweating and being.

And so, it was a real pleasure to re-mind myself of how important dance is to my soul, my body and me.

I sway - I sashay - I spin - I move my hips - I do the hokey pokey and I turn myself about - that's what it's all about!!!

P.S.  The moment I surrendered into the process and made it fun, a fabulous woman appeared in my life.  Now, this gorgeous Angel comes twice a month to my house and gives it a thorough cleaning - nooks and crannies - and loves it the way I do.   Woohoo.

EXPLORATION of something NEW

A few weeks ago, LoverBoy and I tried something new for date night.   I was seeking an adventure - so we decided to explore a new part of town and step out of our comfort zone. 


 We crossed the border and entered Miami.   We went to visit the lovely Adrienne Arsht Center to catch a show called SLAVA'S SNOW SHOW.  It started at 8:00 pm (just before bedtime) on a Friday night.



We decided to grab a bite to eat before the show.  The restaurant, Prelude by Barton G, is totally decorated with jellyfish, from the big screens on the wall to the light fixtures.

We came to see the show because something appealed to me about

Slava's Snow Show.  It seemed like a great way to explore something new.   I bought the tickets and then read up about Slava.  

Slava is known as the World's Greatest Clown.  What he did with this show, by putting music (classical and eclectic) side by side with clowns is create a clown ballet that is funny and engaging and makes you laugh.  It also let my inner kid come out to play.

A visual masterpiece, Slava's Snow Show is a world of fantasy onstage and off.  Music to fill your senses and silliness to make your heart laugh.  We loved how he engaged the audience and how children and adults were so riveted that at the end, people stayed on to play.

Here's a little clip of the show and the music - it's still playing in Miami for the next week or so.  I would say Run and get a ticket and explore all the possibilities of what the mind and heart can do.

 

THE LANGUAGE of LOVE

Studying the social behavior of love, it was found that laughter is a huge factor in meeting, matching and mating.  Women seek a partner who can make them laugh.  And men are eager to comply with this request.

This groundbreaking research was done by Robert R. Provine, a neuroscientist and Professor of Psychology at the University of Maryland. He studies development and evolution of the nervous system and behavior, including human social behavior.  He's even written a few books including, Laughter:  A Scientific Investigation.

In fact, the research shows that it is women who do the most laughing and smiling while in the dating stage of a relationship.  The more a woman laughs aloud, the greater her self-reported interest in this man.  Simply put, the more he makes her laugh, the more attractive she finds him.   Vice versa, men are more interested in women who laugh at their sense of humor.  Simply put, men are attracted to women who laugh at them.

A German study quoted in his book shows:  THE LAUGHTER OF THE FEMALE, not the male, is the CRITICAL index of a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.  What truly matters is that a woman laughs in her relationship.   She creates the RESONANCE that raises the vibration.   As they say, a happy wife is a happy life.

Speaking from my 16 years of married experience to LoverBoy, LAUGHTER is the glue.   Over the years, we've learned to laugh at everything that haHAhappens.   We find the humor in just about anything and then are so grateful for our gentle life experiences.   And when we both laugh together, life is so very very good!!!  Yay!!!

This explains why having a sense of humor is near the top of women's priority list of what they look for in a man. When a woman says 'He's such a funny guy - we spent the whole night laughing together' she usually means that she spent the night laughing and he spent the night making her laugh.

LAUGHTER might just be the language of love as it is a universal language that needs no words.    As is music - another language of LOVE.   And singing.   An act of love to oneself.  Some say that divine RESONANCE can be found by chaHAhanting - a vocal meditation - uniting our mind, body and breath through sound.

I believe this to be true.  It is OMazing how quickly singing a song can chaHAhange my body's chemistry and take me from low to high in a sound beat.

What we chaHAhant is less important as the willingness to focus fully on letting our song come out to play.   ChaHAhanting lets us raise our vibrational level so we can fly high.    

I realized this when I started my HAHA anthems - singing a la gibberish made me feel great.  I enjoyed the freedom of letting my tongue roll any which way.   And the creativity of sound is so much fun.  It also made people laugh just hearing me and encouraged them to make their own.

Here's a simple act of RESONANCE from me to you - raising our vibration one HAHA at a time:

Freedom of Forgiveness

"Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt 

only g

ives you tense muscles, a headache and a 

sore jaw 

from clenching your teeth. 

Forgiveness gives you back laughter

and the lightness in your life." 

-Joan Lunden

I used to have a lot of anger in my life. I would take things personally and hold on to past grudges and resentments.  If you hurt me, I would hold on to it for a long time.  Not just in my head (replaying the story over and over again) but in my body.   I was carrying this extra weight to cover my wounds and protect myself.   

One day, I read a book by Thich Nhat Hanh called Anger - he talked about embracing our anger with the sunshine of mindfulness.  Breathing through it, like cooking potatoes, and embracing it to find its true nature and gift.    Dealing with anger through love and tenderness for oneself is a powerful practice.

I started writing letters to people I felt had hurt me.  Letters that I wrote and kept - letters asking of forgiveness to me, myself and I for being caught up in the situation.  I forgave myself for whatever thoughts and actions I contributed in creating that moment.  I forgave myself for what I knew and what I didn't know.   I forgave the other person for their pain and suffering that found a conduit through me.  I would write these letters and put them away.  A funny thing haHAhappened - as I wrote and let go of my stories, my weight came right off.  It was like I no longer needed to hide my love and light.

One of my most favorite exercises in Laughter Yoga is LAUGHING at YOURSELF.  I love practicing this simple technique - pointing at myself,

 laughing and then kissing the palm and planting it on my body.  It reminds me to be gentle and loving with myself.   It strengthens my HAHA muscle so that I can best respond to any situation that comes my way.

Recently, I had a chaHAhance to practice.   Someone I love was very angry and rude with me.  The bitterness of their words and the violence of their expression brought me to tears.   For a MOMent, my ego wanted to take center stage and bask in the glow of anger and stay in the pain.  

A child who witnessed the moment later came to me as I cried and reminded me that this person was in great pain and overwhelmed and scared.  She reminded me to use my Laughter Yoga skills and shaHAhakti shaHAhake it right out of my system.  I did.  I laughed at myself for taking it all so seriously.  

Those who can laugh at themselves are able to brush aside hurt with a sense of compassion.  And in that space, forgiveness arises and love returns.

A Course in Miracles states that our purpose on earth is to forgive.  Cutting ourselves some slack and doing the same for others.  Focusing on all the good and LOVE that exists and letting go of anything that doesn't serve us.  For that is the path of peace.

SAND & STONE - A Story