Gratitude for ChaHAhange

ChaHAhange is not always easy.  Sometimes it comes with heartbreak and tears.  This week, my LittleMan, Zeko Meow, passed away.   We adopted him 15 years ago at the Humane Society when he weighed less than one pound.  

My littleMan was a lover who let himself be held and stroked.  He would purr loud and proud as he rested his little body on yours.  He loved to walk over to the neighbors and keep an eye on the hood. His sleek skinny body and beautiful face was a familiar sight on both sides of our street.

He would serenade me in the early hours of the morning to let him into the house and feed him.  He and GingerMama were close - often sharing the couch facing the kitchen as Loverboy and I would uncook and create recipes.

This feline Zen Master taught me how to meditate and stay still.   He would sit in my lap for hours as we chilled - learning the Art of Doing NoThing while being aware and present.

Last month his body began to show signs of the wear and tear that comes with aging.  He spent 5 days under the loving supervision of Dr. Darko and came home to surrender to the process.  

A few days ago, he lost interest in his food and water.   He let me brush him and massage him and then he wandered off.   Yesterday there was no meow at my door - no furry face meowing a familiar tune.    We found him in a safe space where he could see our front door as he left his earthly body.

I've been feeling a little sad even though I know my Zeko is free and all around me.   Every time a memory wells up in my head, I feel like a little part of my heart is tearing off and it brings tears to my eyes.

I've been in this space of loss and grief before - with no energy to laugh or smile - no oomph to make an effort or try to be haHAhappy.   And yet, I know,  my LittleMan would want me to be in the MOMent - with my Elly Belly Meow and our dog-God, GingerMama.

I start humming laughter, a peaceful practice of purring from the inside out.  With my lips sealed, I start to make a sound in my throat.  I keep at it and now this vibration fills me from head to toe. I feel it warming me up and reminding me the importance of sound expression to release the stress and tension of sadness.

I keep on humming until I feel my mood shift.  I focus on gratitude - gratitude for our 15 years together - gratitude for Zeko's existence in my life and knowing this LittleMan.  

Zeko - I am so grateful that you blessed our house with your presence and essence.  I am so grateful for all these wonderful memories I have of you with my nieces and nephews and every single child in this neighborhood.  I am so grateful for sitting outside in the grass with you and GingerMama while we talked to the trees.

I am so grateful for all the nights you snuggled by my left hip and let me wake up to you in my arms.   I am so grateful for our meditations and our purrs and our catnip romps.   I am so grateful that you are no longer in pain and are free.  I am so grateful for you my little Kooshkoosh.   May you rest in peace Zeko.  We love you.

What I Know TO BE TRUE about GRATITUDE

Truth:    WHAT I FOCUS ON, I GET MORE OF

Shifting my understanding of myself, changing from a half-empty to an AbunDANCE kind of perspective, in all aspects of my life. The haHAhardest part of that is my self talk. How I view myself. The words I use when talking to me.   I used to be very haHAhard on myself, focusing more on what I haven't yet accomplished rather than what miracles I have created in my life.  I'd get stuck in what could have been rather than what IS.  Making peace with the past became easy as I learned to laugh at myself.  But for THEN, I would not be here NOW, sharing myself with you, dear Reader. And THEN had a lot of juicy stuff as I am relishing the adventures that have brought me to the HERE and NOW.

It took the lens of GRATITUDE to see all the yummy and exhilarating life lessons that have created me, Goddess Diana, the human bean that I am becoming. Looking at THEN and seeing how it has shaped NOW. And finding the gifts of THEN in the NOW. 

I am so grateful for THEN. I am so blessed for where it has brought me NOW.

Truth:  GRATITUDE IS A MUSCLE

Gratitude - saying thank you on the INside and out - to each and every thing that comes my way, no matter what it looks like when I receive it.   This was not allways my way.  I would go from experience to experience without taking the time to digest and savor.  Now, I stop and breathe and process all the juiciness that is in my life.   Expressing gratitude when I first wake up for the legs that let me stand, for my heart that beats, for the arms and hands that let me move and feel.  Singing gratitude for what my eyes see and my mouth tastes.

When I get lost in my thoughts or lose my focus, I stop and breathe and go into gratitude - counting my blessings and thanking the Universe for all the chaHAhallenges and opportunities in my life to love.  The Universe works in mysterious ways and what I see is not always what is.   Being in gratitude allows me to chaHAhange my perspective - see things differently or just be in appreciation for my life right now.

Before I go to bed, I get quiet and do a Pussy Ritual.  I put my hands on my core (the space where 8000 sensory nerve endings and I think of all the pleasure in my life and I give thanks - 12 times.  12 things that I acknowledge that brought me pleasure and I am truly greatFULL for.  12 things that I love about myself and how I be in my world.   12 people that touched my life today.

I flex and strengthen this muscle.   I work it out by putting my gratitude on paper and writing thank you notes or doing a Act of Random Kindness (ARK).   I expand my muscle by knocking on a neighbor's door or calling a friend and just listening.  I cultivate gratitude by sitting in the grass and taking in the nature that surrounds me - hugging a tree and talking to the squirrels and being One with my surroundings.

Truth:  GRATITUDE IS A MULTI SENSORY EXPERIENCE

Gratitude is more than just something we say.  For it to multiply in our lives, we have to feel it, deep inside, so it bubbles over on the outside and can be felt - this reverence and irreverence for life.    

It's feeling GREATfull for the smell of a fresh peeled orange in the morning or squirting lemon in my morning cup of water.  It's feeling pleasure for the cotton modal fabric I adorn my body with and the lotus flower that sits on my tush when I put my yoga pants on.  It's tasting the dew on a leaf outside my door as I prepare for my morning walk.  It's breathing in the sunrise as the clouds dance and change colors.  It's touching my cat's fur and feeling him purr in appreciation for our loving exchange.   

Using my senses to experience gratitude heightens the experience.  It keeps me focused on the good in my life.  It fills my reservoir of delightful and delicious experiences I can draw upon in my memory bank.

All is good in my life as I pray for this gratitude that keeps my altitude high.

BODY MAINTENANCE

For years, I would equate maintenance with getting an oil change in my car.
It took time to apply this word to my body. 

What does it mean - maintenance - in my life? 

It used to be 3 square meals a day, roof over my head, clothes on my body, couch under my butt and TV to get lost in for hours after a stress filled work day. That was my SURVIVAL mode.

After leaving my job and getting rid of the TV and learning that I need 5 mini-meals/snacks a day rather than 3 squares and lots of exercise to keep my heart happy and my cells rejuvenated - I have redefined what MAINTENANCE of body means to me.


1. STRETCHING - do you know how complex the human body is? I went to see BODIES. What an amazing educational experience about the sacred vessel my soul resides in. By stretching, I give my joints and cells a chance to receive oxygen and flush out whatever toxins are stuck, static or stale. YOGA which is the connection between breath and body has been a wonderful addition to my maintenance program in helping me stretch and grow.

2. WALKING - Maintenance of my body requires at least 1/2 hour of revving my motor up. I create this opportunity for myself by walking every day. It helps me get my body temperature up and brings good clean oxygen in and I get to check out my neighborhood and talk to the birds and trees. I get up early so I can commune with the stars and stay away from the cars.   And a dog-god makes a great partner and gets you out there consistently.
3. DANCING - I spend another 1/2 hour for body maintenance by DANCING - putting on a good beat and letting my body pick up the rhythm and the rhyme. Shaking every little cell in my body and feeling the flow of life as I heat up my core and rechaHAharge my enerchi.4. LAUGHING - Maintenance of my body requires me to LAUGH. Deep and from my belly and releasing all the muscles in my face and jaw as I allow my heart to tell my body to smile. And it feels so good. I get flushed and oxygen rushes in and the feel good chemicals my body produces course through my cells. I LOL every opportunity I get.

5. EATING - Maintenance of my body requires me to nurture my cells with food that is full of life and energy - once a week, we go to Josh's Organic Garden on Hollywood Beach and fill our box with greens (chard, lettuce, spinach and zucchini) and reds (beets, tomatoes and apples), yellows (bananas, lemons) and oranges (sweet potatoes, peppers, papaya).  I juice in the morning to start my days and have a big salad at lunch and eat fruit in the evening.
6. NATURE - Maintenance of my body requires me to BE outdoors - BE in NATURE - watch the clouds go by and marvel at the cosmic patterns as I relax my mind and connect to the natural world. Listen to the birds, smell the flowers, hug a tree, dance with the butterflies. So many possibilities.


7. PLAY - Maintenance of my body requires me to CREATE each and every day. I find that I create best when I have an atmosphere where I can play. My mind rests and I connect to the Divine within and co-LABOR-rate to manifest a vision, a feeling, a vibe. This was my latest creation:


8. SLEEP - Maintenance of my body requires me to sleep early and get 6 hours of snuggles with my pillow. I am noticing that when the sun goes down to bed, I too am ready to call it a day. Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise said Benjamin Franklin. It definitely seems to work for a Goddess too.

9. CHOICES - I choose what goes in my body. What I see, what I hear, what I read, where I am. I choose not to be in toxic environments - second hand smoke, loud noises, violent media (TV & Movies), environments with alcohol and angry people. These toxins get under my skin and tense up my spine. Body maintenance requires awareness to what goes in and what gets absorbed.
When my physical needs of maintenance are met - my motor revs and PURRS. My body is then so grateful, it fine tunes with my soul to create a SWEET HARMONY. The feelings of bliss and peace achieved in this state are what keep me coming back for more.

DISCIPLINE of LAUGHING at YOURSELF

LAUGHing is a birthRIGHT.  We all know how to do it.  We don't even have to think about it.  Something tickles our funny bone and it just comes out.  A great big HA HA HA. Over the years, certain factors might have prevented us from developing our HA HA superPowers.   In fact, some of us have stopped laughing.  Too stressed to let it out and laugh at ourselves.  Taking ourselves a little too seriously. That is why WE practice.  We build our HA HA muscle one baby step at a time - slowly and consistently.   Our HA HA discipline includes showing up to HA HA with WE three times (3x)  a week.  So we can easily laugh at ourselves.  Why do we HAHA?   To reduce our stress - to release any negative thoughts that might be circulating - to relax our bodies and minds - to breathe deeper. And of course, for my stubborn peeps who need the scientific PROOF - check it out below - LAUGHing at yourself is GOOD for you.  We know it's Very Good, Very Good, Yay. The British Psychological Society shares more about this first ever experimental research into laughing at oneself.  Click HERE to read what they found.  Or read Time Magazine's article HERE on this study(thank you SG Funs).

UNITY

This week's prayer emerged from last week's prayer - OPPORTUNITY became UNITY.  It felt really important to me to put this intention out into the Universe.  This weekend with a Full Moon and a lunar eclipse and now going into Mercury Retrograde (10-21 through 10-27-13), I am rethinking my relationships to others and how I can make a difference in my life at this time on our planet.

Over the last 12 years, I changed my lifestyle, my diet, my habits, my beliefs.  I researched how my body works and what my input and output is.  I let go and surrendered any layers of skin which no longer served me. I built ma HAHA muscle and created an attitude of gratitude which permeates my life.  More specifically, what kind of vibrational energy I emit and how that attracts people and opportunities into my life.

At this moment, when I dig deep within, what I find is residue.   Like stripping an onion to its core, layer after layer after layer, until we reach the heart, the sweetest part.   It is the same with ME.  As I progressed inward in my understanding of myself, I went from surface issues (weight, addictions, beliefs) to deeper truths (feelings, imprints, values).   Getting to the bottom of what lays hidden - reaching deep into the mud where the lotus grows her roots.

Getting in touch with my darker side.  Bringing it to the light so I can liberate the parts of myself that got buried with unacceptable feelings.  Exposing that which is shielded from view.  Getting INtense and aligned.  Revealing to ME that my understanding of WE was simply incomplete.  Unlearning what I thought was truth and tenet.  Like all the people who believed the world was flat and had to let that belief go and embrace that the world is round. 

As I explore this place in my life, a saying rolls around in my head - "a chain is only as strong as its a chain is only as strong as its weakest link."  

No matter how peaceFULL and powerFULL I become, I am still connected to the collective.   A quote from the lovely SisterGoddess Marion Anderson says it clearly and concisely:

“No matter how big a nation is, it is no stronger that its weakest people, and as long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you might otherwise”.     

We cannot soar when we are weighed down.  And misery loves company.  As we let go of our layers and shine, we allow others to do the same.  As we let go of our cultural "truths" that destroy our wellbeing, we reclaim our power, our health and our abunDANCE.   

I am finding deep emotional understanding - compassion and empathy for me and you and we.    I am releasing and dropping the weight of the stories I carry around.  I am writing the book my soul has been yearning to shaHAhare.  I am ready to surrender these stories and reclaim my power - as a child of God, as a WOman, as a link on the chain, as part of the WE are all ONE.   As I release these HIStories I feel the matriarchal magic embracing me and reMINDing me of HERstories - a new reality - a peaceful planet.

Collaborating in community and Sisterhood and Brotherhood with peeps willing to consciously create as a species another way of BEing.   Each lesson we learn, each new aHA MOMent, each choice for the Highest Good transforms the darkness to light, and makes it easier for those who follow on my path.

My prayer today is for UNITY - may I surrender ME for WE , May I seek the highest good for all ♥, may I reMEMBER we are all ONE 

Imagine there is no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky

Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too

Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You, you may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you will join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You, you may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you will join us
And the world will live as one

Read more: John Lennon - Imagine Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Opportunity

 

"You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves."
- an excerpt from Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

I love these words. I love how they resonate in my heart and make me feel. I love the thought of "SOFT ANIMAL OF MY BODY " loving what it loves.

I was first introduced to the words of SisterGoddess Mary Oliver by a wonderful SisterGoddess named Dr. Jane Miner who I met at the Green Valley Spa in Utah. She shared with me Mary Oliver's The Journey.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice--
though the whole house began to tremble
and you felt the old tug at your ankles.

"Mend my life!" each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations,

though their melancholy was terrible.
It was already late enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen branches and stones.
But little by little, as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own,
that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,

determined to do the only thing you could do--
determined to save the only life you could save .

These words started me on my journey to find the soft animal within and finally be FREE. It gave me an OPPORTUNITY to question and explore different paths then what I felt was the "WAY" dictated by our society and enforced by the media and movies and magazines. It made me reassess what I really thought I had to do.

Sister Goddess Mary's words and Sister Goddess Jane's life coaching (her prodding and wonderful questions) gave me permission to listen to that one quiet voice within and turn off all the other voices (within and outside of me) who were directing me how and who to be.

Slowly, slowly, one baby step at a time, I shed the trappings of who I thought I was a

and what I thought I had to do. I let go of what I thought was aesthetically pleasing and let my true ANIMAL nature come out.

I let my hair grow long, I stopped making it lighter or darker depending on the season and let my natural color and glow return.

No more heels - tee hee!!! and no more back-aches, head-aches, bunions. Finally letting my spine realign itself for comfort and ease of body rather than "having to do" sexy.

No more make-up. No more layers of color to make myself look better or enhance my self. Just me the way Nature intended me to be.

No more perfumes to give me a scent that is not my own. My true scent, my soft animal scent is so very appealing it seems to be attracting all sorts of interesting people & Meows and Bow Wows into my life. Tee hee!!!

And the funny thing is letting go of all these things that I thought I had to do has given me permission to be real. Not having to do any thing has freed up so much energy and time. It gave me the OPPORTUNITY to find out about ME - what I am passionate about, what revs up my juices, what I truly love. It freed me to BE instead of do - back to being a HUMAN BEAN instead of a human doing.

GUMPTION

Sometimes the truth hurts.

That's when I most need to hear it.

I have to find the courage to face up to things.

Even if it's not what I want to hear.

The other day I threatened Loverboy. It was meant to be humorous. It just popped out over my lips and exhaled right out of my mouth as I put my forearm on the table and made a fist with my left hand .

"You see my fist?" I told him.

I was frustrated, crampy, tired, irritated, feeling mucho uncomfortable and not honoring myself and doing something about it. It's that time of the month when I am flowing. We both know that on these days it is best for me to exercise gently (walk and swim) and rest ( alot of napping and lolling about). 

I chose to do differently. So many things to DO. Nervous about the whole family coming over and having my sacred space ready to welcome all.   Running around in every direction to get things ready when what my body needed was rest.  Finally, the stress on my body took its toll. 

We were sitting having lunch, Loverboy and Mom (the witness) and me.  Whatever he was saying was aggravating me.  Rather then face up to myself and breathe, I took the road very much traveled in my unconscious years - force.  I made a fist with my right hand and said:  "Do you see this?"

He made me laugh. "Your fist? Is that a threat?" He told Mom and me how some of the hairs on his forearm jumped up in fear when they saw my fist rise.  He mentioned that this would be seen as Assault in some places.  We all started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.  Then I was crying and laughing - the emotional brouhaHAha released.  My feeling valve loosened, the tears began to flow.

What a blessing this man is, always defusing a situation. Being my mirror and helping me see all facets of me.   Thahahank you Universe for putting us together and giving us fifteen fabulous years together.   Thahahank you LoverBoy for helping me laugh.

Thahahank Goddess for my Mom, the witness.  She pointed out - you wouldn't like it if someone said that to you and showed your their fist.   She's right, I would feel intimidated.  Then she added - "Is that what you're going to do when you have kids?"  Of course, LoverBoy and Mom started laughing again - at me, with me, for me. 

Sobering thought.   How do we beHAVE when under stress?   Is it the softer side that appears or the reflex of habits of years of imprints that rises to the surface?   As a child, a raised eyebrow would send me into submission and to my room.  What was I thinking by raising my fist?   

Iconically, in our society, it is Rosie the Riveter, a propaganda campaign created by the US Government to convince women we had a patriotic duty to enter the workforce during World War II.  She is the image of the raised fist and the strong woman.

Sometimes it's hard to swallow your own medicine - see yourself as reflected by those who surround you.   Then you learn to breathe through the lump of EGO and laugh.  And do whatever it takes to come from LOVE.

For me, that is GUMPTION - breaking through my fears and doing what I am meant to do - with LOVE.   It's the purrpose of my life.  Being vulnerable and turning my struggles into ART.   Being a LOVECat and shaHAharing my story so that I can heal myself and help others in the process.

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Here's another kind of Gumption:

Gumption from 12Stone Church on Vimeo.