Something Better in Mind

As I turned 45, I was desperately praying to the Universe for a little soul all my own to love.   Funny thing is, every time I make this prayer, a new member joins our family.

This time, we got a phone call from BFAM Victor with a little kitten who was domesticating him.  Since he couldn't keep her, he called us.  I asked GingerMama and EllyBelly about bringing a little One to live with us.  Of course, they said yes.  And so our newest member Maxie moved in.

Maxie the Meow was quite independent before she arrived - living a life of leisure at the beach she decided to settle in with we humans.  On her first night at our house, she was fine in my creative room - a small space to get acclimated in her new surroundings. However, the moment she saw a patio and pool beyond the window, she learned to fly out the window.  She loves being outside in the garden and walking around the pool.  She loves nestling in the grass and sniffing everything.   

She loves being with us.  I call her name and within moments she responds.   She flies in a room and marks her scent all over me as she rubs her little body around my legs.  She makes me laugh - the crazy way she totally relaxes her body when she sleeps or how one ear goes up but nothing else moves.  Or how she leaps in one amazing bound when she is ready to explore and investigate.  Or how in the next moment she lays across my knee and falls asleep.

I had forgotten what it means to have a Little One in the house again.  Besides the litter box and the extra cat food - she adds quite a bit of things to do that I was not keeping up with.  Having her in the house has made us reexamine how we do things.  A little re-evaluation of our lives from her perspective.  Maxie is so very sensitive to things we take for granted - her sense of smell is so heightened that dishes that sit in the sink or laundry in the basket is not very pleasant for her.  Being the smallest member of the family, she is low the ground. She likes to plop herself wherever is most in her pleasure.

In our household, all four footed beings are LITTLE PEEPs - souls that needs response-ability in order to survive & thrive in our home.  The water must be changed fresh every day - food must be served - bowls cleaned  - floors swept - carpets shook -  blankets/bedding changed.  Then there's the daily brush - combing of fur to remove lodged in dirt and fleas.   And massage - slow touch and rubbing - connection of paws to hands.

Maxie is quite verbal - she meows loud enough to let you know when she wants your attention.  And when I don't get it, she nips at my ankles as if to lovingly remind me that she knows best.  The amazing thing is that all that she requests done in the house is something that benefits the household.  It keeps me current on my housework, house smelling clean and fresh.

Maxie loves to nap.  First, she naps by our feet.  And then, she climbs under the covers and lays by my body and starts to purr.   She reminds me to slow down and move away from my computer and head to my bed so I can stretch my whole body and rest.  She loves to take her siesta at the hottest time of day.   She is then refreshed for her afternoon jaunts in the garden.                                

Maxie is also very inquisitive - she jumps into or onto anything - no fear.   The other day she jumped onto the prickly tree we have out front.   As quick as she jumped on it, she bounced back.  Except she didn't go scampering away.  She was hobbling.  I called her over and pet her until she relaxed in my arms and let me pick her up. She had so many little sharp needle like protrusions sticking out of her baby paws and stuck in her fur.  As LoverBoy rubber under her chin, I slowly extracted what did not belong.

Maxie's coming into our lives has been such a blessing.  She is helping me with HOW I DO ANYTHING IN MY LIFE IS HOW I DO EVERYTHING.   What I remember thanks to Maxie is that there are no shortcuts and that a job worth doing is a job worth doing well.  And that if I am going to do it, I might as well as laugh about it and have a good time.    Thanks for being with us Maxie Meow and loving us just right.  And thahahank you my Brother from Another Mother Victor for bringing this angel into our lives at just the right MOMent.

Words that start with the Letter "F"

 

A few choice words playing on my mind this week - based on the yummy FEEDBACK I received from last week's Exploring Joy.   

 

Being with my parents for three days - under my FATHER's roof after being on my own, independent and married, was not easy.   While I managed to stay in my pleasure most of the time, I found myself experiencing FEELINGS that I was no longer FAMILIAR with.   Some of the feelings I was familiar with like FRUSTRATION (the waiting, this is not what I had planned,  difficult personalities) and FEAR (what is going to happen, not knowing how to help and what the future holds).  Some of the feelings were not even my own but rather those I picked up while taking my parents to their doctors and running errands for them.   Being in an environment that was not my own made it difficult to digest all these feelings.  

Over the years, I have learned to let my feelings come up and sit with them, no matter how uncomfortable they might be and do nothing but watch and learn.    As you sit through a feeling it gives you a gift - an appreciation for what it was you went through and what value it has in your life.  At my parents - three days - there was no time to sit through the barrage of emotions that was hahahappening.  While I was trying to stay calm and process my surroundings, I let myself become unconscious about FOOD.   

Being in someone else's space also meant I had to live by their haHAhabits and ways of being.  For my FATHER, FOOD has always been connected with pleasure.   As a child growing up in a Jewish household, FOOD was always something that brought our family together.  Every MOMent I remember had FOOD written all over it.  Going out to a nice restaurant was a treat, eating a piece of cake was a celebration.  FOOD was a reward that was deserved for working hard or accomplishing something.   

When I grew up and moved out, FOOD became a way to hide my FEELINGs.  It was also the easiest weapon of choice to hurt myself and cover up who I truly was.  Why FEEL when you can eat?  I might have continued with this FARCE except I got really sick in my late 20s-early 30s - a bout with FIBROMYALGIA and depression had me investigating all the FACETS of my life that did not work.  FOOD was the relationship I was most vested in - doing it daily and three times at that.  

What my research uncovered is that there were many FOODS that were detrimental to my body - it stayed in my body too long, it hurt to poop out, it remained as fat on my body and it messed up my hormones.  Many FOODs that had been staples of my diet were eliminated (bread, anything white, wheat, meat, chicken, fish, processed foods, cake, cookies, cereal, dairy products).

Over the last ten years, I've become truly conscious of what I consume - very much aware that what goes in must come out.  My research of FOOD has taught me that FOOD is FUEL FIRST.   Our bodies work like our car, the better the fuel, the greater the performance.   My lifestyle chaHAhanges added fruits and vegetables into my daily intake and I began to feel more energy and vitality.  I stopped cooking and learned to create rawlicious recipes using alkaline ingredients.  Over time, my desire for FOOD that once had a hold on me dissipated (bye bye pizza and ice cream).  I began to crave healthy juicy FOODS that were not emotionally connected to my memories.  I put in FUEL that was easy to digest and healthy for my body and easy to poop.  Raw juicy and nutritious Food brings me a different kind of pleasure than just smell and taste - I get wellbeing and FREEDOM.   No longer tied to breakfast, lunch and dinner, I eat when I need FUEL - when I feel hungry.

All that disappeared while I was at my parents.   While I meditated and walked, I was overwhelmed with FEELINGS and FOOD.   My parent's pantry was full of childhood staples (pistachios, hummus, chocolate cake, salads made with mayonnaise, Israeli couscous and bread).  I started eating FOOD that I would never bring into my house. However, here it was staring me in the FACE and I was serving it to my parents.  What hahahappened is I would taste it.  And then have a little more. Until I found myself FULL.   Eating more than my body could digest in one meal.  (One little sliver of chocolate cake, a handful of pistachios, some matbouchaHAha and Moroccan carrot salad).  While it tasted delicious, I noticed my energy became sluggish and my hahahappiness level slumped.   I came home 3 days later 3 pounds heavier.  FLUSTERED and feeling FOOLISH over this FIASCO, I slept for two whole days.

Appreciative for this experience, I felt FORTUNATE that I had the tools and the wisdom to FIX myself healthy again.  I juiced for three days straight - filling my body up with digestive enzymes and enough liquid to FLUSH anything that didn't belong within me out.  I also felt a great deal of FORGIVENESS to myself for putting myself in this situation.  Sometimes when you think you have resolved old issues and are in control, the Universe shows you a deeper layer of skin that needs to be shed.  I have such great appreciation for my FATHER for bringing up all my old ways of looking at things related to FOOD.   And for giving myself the opportunity to truly align myself - talk the talk and walk the walk.  Recommitting myself to my raw lifestyle and being gentle and compassionate with myself as I learn more.   Laughing at myself as I FALTER and FIND my way back to what works for me.   

EXPLORING JOY

Most people think that JOY is something outside of us - to be found or acquired.  Actually, it's an energy we knew how to access as children and over the years, we forgot.

JOY is a fire from within.  An energy of HAhaHAppy that gets ignited by touch, smell, sound and memory. It's a feeling - a birthright - that we get from the simplest of things.

JOY is about finding the pleasure right NOW.   Accepting ALL that is in our lives with grace.  Surrendering to the circumstances with gratitude.   And calling it all Research and Practice - to build our HAHA muscle and increase our HAhaHAppiness.

 

Now, for some of us - our life circumstances feel overwhelming or too haHAhard to handle.  That is where the lens of laughter makes life better.

For me, I spent the last three days with my parents - a sleepover of sorts.  

Dad was having trouble with his balance and Mom was still in a cast with no pressure allowed on her left foot.   They had no way to get around and a whole bunch of doctor's appointments the next day.   

LoverBoy and I decided that it would be easier if I spent a few days and helped my parents out until we could sort out what was going on.  

I myself was feeling exhaHAhausted.   I had a full day before this was thrown into my lap.  This was not part of the original plan. My energy was low  - my body needed a break and a nap.   That was not to be.  So, I did the next best thing.  I took a hot shower and lathered myself up.  I let the hot water take care of my tired bones and loved myself up.  I put on my most comfiest clothes and my biggest bhindi.   I packed a suitcase 

(clothes, computer, toiletries) and a box of necessities (orange juicer, smoothie bullet, a dozen oranges and grapefruits and a clump of baby bananas.  I cancelled all my appointments for the next few days so I could be free to focus on my parents.

That evening, in the pouring rain, LoverBoy drove me to Deerfield Beach.  We brought our dog GingerMama at my Dad's request.  He was craving her peaceful calm enerchi and the love only a dog can give.   While we prepped a healthy dinner (carrot salad, beet salad, hummus, babaghanoush, guacamole and crackers), GingerMama licked hands and let herself be pet and then she layed down at my mother's feet.  

We sat at the table and broke crackers.  And then LoverBoy and GingerMama left - with the garbage in tow.  

Here I was, a 45 year old daughter, sleeping over at my parents, back under my father's roof, again.   It felt a little strange.  What could I do to stay in my pleasure?  I massaged my Mom's feet, did the dishes and tucked my parents into bed by 9:00 pm.   I fixed myself a bed on the livingroom couch - went for a long walk under the great trees on the path - meditated - texted Loverboy goodnight and then somewhat fell asleep.   

The next morning at 6:30 am, I took my Mom to the swimming pool where they have a huge handicapped shower facility and lots of hot water.  As the sun was rising, we removed the cast and she sat on the bench and showered to her heart's delight.  I did too.   Feels so good to immerse in water and let your bones feel lithe and light.   We stretched and dressed and went home.   Great way to start the day with joy.

I pulled out the juicer and made seven oranges to one grapefruit - fresh juice without the pulp.  I love stimulating my digestive system with Vitamin C and powerful antioxidants.  More importantly, having my parents juice with me felt so good.  Introducing them to my morning rituals was an extra added benefit of sleeping over.  

An hour later, I blended bananas and strawberries and blueberries with some carrot juice for a delicious energizing smoothie. 

 So much yummy enerchi and so filling.    

Again, made enough for all three of us.  

We then headed out to Dad's doctor.   We left with 45 minutes to get there even though the doctor's  office was 15 minutes away.  It is in my pleasure to take my time, especially when driving.  It makes me as a driver calmer and aware and a more pleasurable experience for my passengers.  

After the doctor's office, we made a pitstop at Home Depot to return and exchange fluorescent lights.   Nice and easy - we parked and walked and put on a big pink jacket for the A/C effect.  We returned something and bought something.   No walking around and shopping mindlessly.  We knew what we needed - we located, purchased and left.  Totally in my pleasure.

We returned home and had a light lunch.   More salads and vegetables - yummy for my tummy.  And then some quiet time.  While my dad napped, Mom and I sat down and caught up with each other.  We put on some mood music and felt inspired to clean her closet - we went through the clothes and shoes and accessed the excess.  We left only what she loved and prepared a bag to donate of things she no longer needed. We cleaned up her filing cabinet and made her current and up-to-date.  I also fixed minor computer issues (modem, printer, internet) and pesky email settings.  

And then we sat to read (both of our favorite pastime).

 

What I found in these three days... as my parents are getting older and their bodies are wearing down, our roles are reversing.  As I caretake for them, I am more like their parent than their child and they sometimes definitely behave more like bratty kids than my parents.   The Circle of Life, I remind my father as he has had enough of my take care of stuff attitude (he likes to call me "bossy").  I give him space to vent and get used to this chahahange.

 

As such, their attitudes and words and behaviors can really get under one's skin.   

However, I kept my calm by staying in an attitude of gratitude (so grateful for this experience and humbled to take care of my parents in their time of need).   I remained in patience and quiet as I felt my parents' frustrations with their bodies grow.  I felt great compassion knowing what it is like to be in their situations - unable to take care of oneself because of infirmity or illness.   I stayed in my pleasure by breathing and putting on gentle music and reMEMBERing this labor of love I was here to do. I got us laughing as we learned to talk to Siri and text (Iphone lingo).  

And at night, when the day was over, and the parents in bed, I went walking - around the beautiful village on the path with the yummy trees and I moved my body until I got all the tension out and found my sweet spot of peace.  

I stayed in joy by taking exquisite self care of myself so I had enough energy to shaHAhare and care.

Life is as easy as you make it.   That does not mean there are no chaHAhallenges.   It's what you make of these opportunities to grow.  I decided for me, JOY in every MOMent was possible. I focused on making the experience with my parents enjoyable. I stayed conscious that this is my JOB - my Joy Of Being - peace 

and love just because. 

This week, I chahahallenge you to explore joy in every MOMent, especially those moments that really push your buttons.   Which of your senses can you use to be in your pleasure no matter where you find yourself?

ChaHAhange must be FUN

"Something as simple as fun is the easiest way to change people's

 behavior for the better"  

The Fun Theory 

I have always been a haHAhappy child.  

I vibrate to a peaceful haHAharmony.  I always look for the brighter side of things.  My enthusiasm is like sunshine radiating through me.

Somewhere from childhood to adult, I lost this ability to be hahahappy. I got wound up tight.  My cultural conditioning and upbringing had me finding faults, criticizing, tearing things down. Watching the news made me angry.  Seeing sad things brought me down. Drowning my feelings in food and bad haHAhabits kept me sedated instead of seeking answers. 

In fact, it was not until I had a nervous breakdown - three days of crying without being able to stop or control myself - that I re-examined my life as to what needed to change.  It felt like all the drawers fell out of my head and I wasn't sure how to put them back.  I remember LoverBoy's wise wonderful words - examine what's in the drawers and decide if they need to be put back at all. 

The chaHAhallenge became replacing old haHAhabits with new ones.  In order to do that and effective chaHAhange, my new haHAhabits had to be fun.  Otherwise, I would start and stop and shift back to the old ways.

For me, laughter yoga was a gift.  It was an opportunity to get in touch with my inner child again and laugh from my belly.  The light stretching and the movement put me in my body and out of my head.   The attitude of gratitude that I felt from building my HAHA muscle spilled over into other parts of my life as well.  It helped me chahahange my perspective and how I look at things.  It gave me a chahahance to laugh at myself and take life a little less seriously.

Most important, laughter yoga is fun.  I get to do the hokey pokey.   I speak in gibberish.  I roar like a lion.  I clap my hands and stomp my feet.  I shahahakti shahahake from my head down to my toes.    I go outside and laugh in nature - surrounded by trees or by the beach.   I feel good. Very good, very good, Yay!!!

It was the same when I was losing weight.  An extra 80 pounds on my small frame seemed impossible to remove and I tried for years.  Diets and exercise routines were so boring and hahahard and limiting.  These techniques made me lose my resolve instead of the fat.  

One day, a book I read suggested writing letters of forgiveness to whoever I was angry at.  Releasing anything that was within and needed to be expressed so I could chahahange internally.   After writing these letters, I stuffed them in a drawer.   Easy peasy!!! 

The book also suggested walking meditations.  Walking consciously and focusing on my environment and my breath instead of my thoughts.   And another book told me to just start by walking down the block and back home again.  For a week - until I got the hang of it.  Soon, I was walking daily - easy peasy.  

And then I got a dog.  My daily walk turned into 3-4 times a day walks.  It was so much fun to be outside with my dog(God) and meeting peeps in my neighborhood who had dogs.  Soon, I was walking my neighbor's dogs with my dog and then I was running.   I forgot about the weight and the weight came right off me.

For me, chaHAhanging anything requires having fun with it. When I chahanged my lifestyle from meat to no meat (vegetarian), I picked new ingredients I had never played with and found yummylicious recipes to try.   Seven years later, when I chahahanged my lifestyle from vegetarian to vegan I took online courses so I could study with the best.   The juiciest pictures and simplest recipes got my time and attention. 

When I decided to become raw, I needed support for this great big chahahange.  I became an organizer of a RawFood Meetup group and I set up Potlucks in exciting venues (farms, yoga studios, churches, markets).  I took pictures of the rawlicious dishes created and posted the recipes.  I would create recipes for my neighbors to try and raw chocolate to gently shift from one way of being to another.  I made it exciting to live this lifestyle to sustain my new habits.

With time, my research shows me that fun is whatever fuels my passion and helps me chahahange faster.  This makes chahahange engaging (we want to participate) and sustainable (we keep on doing it until it becomes permanent).  I choose what needs to be chahahanged and I examine how I can do it in a fun way.  

This usually requires some out of the box thinking.  The blessing is all the resources at our fingertips - at the time it was the power of the internet and Google - where we can ask and get all sorts of information on how to do things different (as well as videos so we can see the chahahanges too).  Now, I have SIRI.  I ask and she answers.  

This week's chahahange was a haircut.  Two years ago, after growing my hair for almost seven years, I cut it somewhat short.   I let go of 10 inches of hair and donated it to Wigs for Kids.  The thought of my hair helping a child warmed my heart and made it easy to create this chahahange.

Friday, I did it again.   This time I had my hair cut short to my chin and let go of 10 inches of hair.  I planned an evening event with people who love me the most, my family, so they could support this radical chahahange in my life.   Nothing like glowing in the bask of compliments from people who truly love you to help you adapt to your chahahanges.   

I chahahallenge you this week to chahahange one thing in your life and find a fun way to implement it.   Shahahare with me below what it's going to be and how I can support you in making this chahahange fun and permanent.